The Beginning, Now - The Middle
|Posted on June 26, 2017 at 10:30 AM||comments (0)|
i note as i move into the second year of my spiritual transformation journey, i feel as if i’m standing still; feeling as if i’m standing in one place and all is swirling around me; and by all, i mean the concept of linear time. As i write this, i see the chaos, the frenetic movement, the accelerated pace at which the inhabitants of this planet function and the ensuing reality created by the ever-increasing speed of the degradation of the planet itself as well as the people who inhabit the planet. Grounding into a meditative state, clearing one’s mind of extraneous debris, breathing peace and calm throughout one’s body, slows down everything. EVERYTHING. For if one adheres to the truth that as above so below and as within so without, only YOU have the power to create your world as you see it, envision it, desire it and the comfort of knowing that vibrational frequency permeates all, drawing like energy and so on and on until the prevailing vibration of the planet matches the highest vibration possible. Once we attain and maintain that higher vibration, the act of focusing on what we desire our world to be, all distraction (non-complementary) energy to the contrary, we note but do not permit, that same distraction energy to derail our vibrational alignment with Source. To that end the higher, lighter vibrations of fun, laughter, joy, appreciation, are available to us, thereby ensuring we have the basic tools to buoy our spirits, to hearten our minds and bodies and uplift our daily endeavors from struggle to ease and effortless implementation of those abstract ideals translated into concrete reality. The notion that all is struggle, that one has to struggle for the end result to have any meaning has been proven to be specious, at best, and patently false for those who have followed the energy in the other direction and live the truth that life can be fun, joyful, meaningful and fulfilling without the attendant vibration of struggle and hardship so popular on this planet.
Who would choose struggle and hardship over joy and fun and fulfilment knowing there is a clear choice on one’s path to expressing one’s purpose?
What if we are all here to create that joy, harmony, peace and love from within first?
How would your world be if, instead of looking outward to form your reality, you looked inward and then projected out, that truth?
|Posted on June 7, 2017 at 10:05 AM||comments (0)|
It occurs to me, as i sit idly playing a game of spider solitaire, my mind wandering or maybe flitting is more apt, from reading (i’ve just finished “Bon Appetit” by Peter Mayle- a wonderfully engaging work on eating and dining in France) to artistic endeavors to food shopping later this afternoon, i tend, lately, to feel as if i’m teetering on the edge of the two sided coin called balance. In my mind’s eye i see this as a very narrow ledge, imparting some uncertainty to maintaining my equilibrium – hardly conducive to creating ease and effortlessness, wouldn’t you say? It seems the more I try to get there – the zone, the vortex, whatever you want to call it – the more elusive it becomes! That is perfectly obvious to most of us, isn’t it? Does struggle ever really get you where you want to be? So, i begin playing with my belief; expanding the edge from a confining to a commodious, comfortable space from which to observe, dream, create and, ultimately, live my truth. The entire idea of stepping into the flow, the amount of attention, intention and execution crucial to even being able to be “in the flow”, never mind staying there, conjures, for me, images in direct opposition to unlimited fields of whatever one desires – when did this shift occur? When did i begin to replace this life-giving creative force with a delimiting, constricting view? When did i lose my sense of wonder and joy with gratitude following hard on the heels of awe? The paradox, of course, is the wanting; feeling the lack, by definition, keeps it just out of reach – as soon as one begins to label it it changes. Hampered by the memory of being one with the Universe, i feel the lack so much more and yet, i know the vibrational shift is so subtle as to be negligible. Which brings it squarely back to being in the moment, choosing whatever contributes to me in that moment, then rechoosing again and again, always rooted in the now. When i choose what supports my essence, that primordial flame of consciousness that is at the core of all of us, the sense of well-being, the ease with which my desires actualize, serves to reinforce with loving insistence what i know to be true – alignment with self, expanded into oneness with the ALL brings me as close to my true nature as possible.
How do you express your true nature?
|Posted on May 16, 2017 at 6:30 PM||comments (0)|
What do you do when the negative voices begin to encroach upon the state of mind you’ve established as desirable? When an external event triggers an emotion that pulls you out of vibrational alignment with who you truly be? I went through this tonight; allowing my sense of well-being to disintegrate into insecurity, feelings of unworthiness, frustration, leading to self-judgment all the while resisting the unpleasant emotions that kept rising with each subsequent attempt to ignore, push into the deepest recesses of my mind (much as I’d spent most of my life doing). My body, my lovely body, registering the resistance in typical pattern – headache, upper shoulders very tight, 2nd and 3rd chakras fluttery - I kept asking myself “What else is possible here? What else is possible here?”. And although it only stopped the voices momentarily, what it created more than anything was space. Just enough space for me to realize I had to disengage from what I was physically and mentally doing in order to regain my sense of well-being, that vibrational alignment where I feel like me. Once I’d stopped working, I began using my tools. I physically moved my body from my office to the kitchen, I listened to Abraham Hicks recordings and I am now writing which always raises my vibration. My energy has shifted. My headache has gone, I’m deep breathing, feeling more grounded, expanding energetically into allowing myself to receive more and more of what contributes to me and my well-being. As always, love, gratitude, forgiveness, compassion – beginning with self and expanding out to embrace all. I notice now looking at what I created earlier, feeling unheard, unacknowledged, unsupported, how old a program and so negative ego driven, dredging up this deep subconscious programming; I ask myself why do I feel the need to create this contrast to the peace and calm that benefits me so much? The answer, of course, is blindingly obvious. The doubt, the questioning, feeling I’ve lost some of the focus… when, really, all that’s happening is I’m looking at the same old issues I brought with me to France. All the time I spent this past year meditating, going within, contributed so much to me – in a lot of ways I am more comfortable - less challenged? – in that reality. Accepting this next step into connecting and creating here on this planet requires maintaining my level of meditation but using it to assist me in defining what I desire to manifest here, furthering how best to express my purpose on this planet.
|Posted on May 4, 2017 at 8:55 AM||comments (0)|
So, listening to Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mindvalley Academy, expound on his funnel theory (email marketing strategy) this morning, invoked a core program I run; my life purpose is not to make loads of money-it is to serve in whatever capacity can reach the most people. Looking at that energy I see vibrational alignment yet the awareness that I’m running a program prompts me to ask the question “Does this program serve, contribute to actualizing my contribution to this planet and its peoples?” The answer I receive indicates it does not. Transcending programs, all inculcated beliefs, core or otherwise, allows me to breathe into the expansion of consciousness, thus removing limits to receiving information so vital to my spiritual growth, leading, in turn, to tapping into the field of infinite possibilities and ultimately, through ongoing connection to Source and ALL that is, the state of nirvana, oneness with the ALL. That is the roadmap. The actual path chosen looks more like a meandering through the forest, coming, occasionally, upon a verdant meadow where I may choose to sit for an endless moment, basking in the rich multi-layered tones and scents, my body echoing the whispers of the wind in the trees, the rustling of small animals in the underbrush, breathing the rhythm of our planet, or wandering off the path, distracted by (in popular parlance) bright, shiny objects or an enticing, in the moment, illusion triggering any of my primal senses. Always, wherever I wander, no matter the detours, I find my way back to the path leading to my life’s purpose; indeed, with no judgement of self, I see within the constructs of time on this planet, a long life ahead of me, each and every one of the events, experiences, I create with even a modicum of awareness impel me forward toward my purpose. Do I wish, ever, to catapult forward, to have so much momentum behind me that I am simply there, in that space of actualization? Sometimes. Yet, I feel, deeply within myself, that I’ve done that, been that, created that. I feel strongly, the need to immerse myself in whatever energy builds connection, forges bonds, on this physical planet, outside the confines of ego (a discussion for another blog posting!), heart directed, fueled by compassion and gratitude, leavened by joy and laughter.
What question, from the space of non-judgment, can you ask to invite the creation you desire?
|Posted on April 24, 2017 at 11:10 AM||comments (0)|
Such a shying away from writing lately – so much so that it feels similar to the resistance I harbored for decades, fueled by the inner disquiet, the monkey mind coming alive again. Easily distracted, my mind, while not quite at the full monkey mind level, tends to perseverate on certain topics; notably my hives, my distractibility, why it’s all happening now, how can I stop it… round and round I go. Writing this, I laugh aloud, so ridiculous with all the tools I have to feel at the mercy of thoughts that do not resonate at the truth of who I know I be. This knowing, of course, leads me eventually, when I’ve tired of, become aware of, the spiral of the analytical mind trying to figure out…ANYTHING… much less shift the energy to allow the truth of who I truly be to move into its rightful position, front and center of ALL I create for my highest good. I do feel the need to mention the dis-ease I’m creating, all the way from the bodily discomforts to the loss of focus, difficulty retrieving words, led me purchase a copy of The Edge Effect by Dr. Eric Braverman, a neurologist out of NYC. This book contributed greatly to me and my body twelve years ago when I spiraled down into manifesting physically the dis-ease I had, by force of sheer will, repressed for decades. Happily, once I’d taken the assessments and identified what was going on in my brain, I have taken the steps necessary (translation: asked my body what it requires) to recover my focus, which, of course, aids in promoting deeper and more satisfying meditations, alleviate the perseveration, restoring the peace and calm of a clear mind. As further note, I hadn’t realized how much tension and stress results from a racing mind, from being stuck in trying to figure out everything only to end up in the never-ending cycle. So happy to be free of that! As always, expressing gratitude for creating all of it, any discomfort, irritation, anxiety I experience playing with the energies that emerge, recede, surface again and again until resolution occurs in whatever form it may take, creates more ease, facilitates the allowance needed to release the patterns that no longer serve me. I feel lighter with my vibrational core more aligned with my body and in the space that creates, I see the truth that shines clear – my body desires only full and equal partnership in creating on this planet. After all, without a body there is no physical presence in this 3 dimensional reality. Fully embracing this truth leads me to acknowledge all I've created over the past 3 months as a necessary step into connection with the physical world and finding the balance between my inner universe and the outward manifestation of all I create in the Universe.
|Posted on March 28, 2017 at 10:25 AM||comments (0)|
As I move into this next chapter, feeling my way through discomfort, apprehension, disquiet, I know, to the depths of my soul, this too will evolve into whatever I choose. Laughing quietly to myself at the foibles of ego and attachment, taking a deep breath and allowing my innate wisdom and knowingness to come to the forefront, the sensations in my body signaling alarm and possible danger recede somewhat and, as I envision waves of golden healing energy flowing down through my body through my crown chakra, the familiar sense of wellbeing builds. What, I am sure the reader wonders, can be causing all this angst? The answer lies in connection – with the outside world. For a year, I have played and created in the inner landscape. Pushing the boundaries of belief, of accepted paradigms and the inherent limitations associated with living in this reality I have come to own my true nature, what is light for me. To step into applying, living my truth amongst the world at large poses a greater challenge for me. A challenge I move toward with a sense of inevitability and some, I admit, excitement at the possibilities that exist! In tandem with the energetic shift, I relocate May 1 to an entirely new locale – l’Herault, another region in the Languedoc Roussillon department. I have found a beautiful village house in the small town (pop. less than 800 people) of Gabian. Here I will abide for a year, a welcome prospect after spending the last year moving every 3-5 months - all the while accumulating STUFF that must move with me! I look forward to putting down some roots, and as part of that rooting comes forging connections with/in the physical world. Almost like magic, there’s a local yoga class, a walking club, a ladies club… in other words, a chance at a social life! I’m not sure how to respond to that really – it’s almost as if I have to relearn the social rules by which a given population lives, learning to navigate, basically. Bridging the inner world to the outer – that feels like my next step. That being said, I have created this with more focus and firmer intent than the moves I made this past year. All that felt as if I was stumbling from one thing to another, following the energy but with no clear idea of what I wanted it to look like so focused was I on the inner journey.
All this having to do with the energy of balance. I love this definition: to give several things equal amounts of importance, time, or money so that a situation is successful. This fits perfectly, for me, in this moment. Equal amounts of time and importance and yes, money, distributed evenly amongst my various projects, pursuits, evolutions, goals. I can see a lot of meditation, waking and otherwise, mindfulness and awareness in the next few months. I embrace the coming changes and accept gratefully and lovingly all that I create.
|Posted on March 18, 2017 at 11:45 AM||comments (0)|
Sitting in my sister Melinda’s living room in Anaheim, California, drinking a cup of coffee, going over emails, scrolling through posts on facebook reminds me it doesn’t matter where I am situated physically, especially in the virtual world. Also true for the energetic world; if I close my eyes I can see my little apartment in Couiza, see me sitting at my computer drinking a cup of coffee, feeling the energy of that region. So what then, is the significance and importance we assign to physical location? When I decided to uproot and move to France, that decision came out of an astrological reading by Moses Siregar III (www.astrologyforthesoul.com). I’d felt pulled to this region in France for a couple years with the pull getting progressively stronger. The reading confirmed that my primary place on the planet, in terms of furthering my soul’s purpose, was the south of France for a 2 year cycle. So, I know physical location can play a critical role depending on what you’re currently exploring - soul’s purpose, creativity, soul mates. How many of us even entertain the thought that any dissatisfaction we may feel with our present circumstances stems from the physical place we reside? A pervasive discontent can lead to questioning, wondering, asking for more. Should you choose to invite what your soul yearns for, moving into expansion, the field of infinite possibilities and choice, and open to what might present as your next step, you may discover that your internal world informs your external.
Moving from Southern California to France represented much more than just a change in physical location. I literally severed connection with the idea of who I was, garnered from living in the same area, comporting with the same people, for most of my life; I don’t judge this. Indeed, I chose it, didn’t I? As I write this, I see my truth unfold and from there I can acknowledge, honor and express gratitude for all I learned, from offering and receiving support, to judgment of self, extended out into my external world, forgiving myself for judging others, holding them responsible for the limitations I created and held in place. A sense of peace, of aligning with my higher purpose, allows me to release the vestiges of resistance to others’ judgments, perceptions of my choices. I realize in the energetic whole, the ever-expanding Universe, there is room for all point of view, all realities; is that not why we incarnate?
In the month and a half since that last writing I have created so much I know not where to begin to express, record events… Perhaps starting with what renders me most uncomfortable? Well, that would be my body! My awesome physical self. In the 3rd week of my first ever outbreak of hives, brought on by an allergic reaction to an antibiotic (Keflex) taken to treat a staph infection on my right ankle, I have rarely felt so irritated – epidermis so sensitive to touch, the physical manifestation of… what? If you look at my body, you’d see red irritated bumps covering my chest, my arms, my thighs, some of my back, reminding me constantly of their existence by this insatiable need to scratch as a means of relieving the persistent nagging… ironically, of course it doesn’t alleviate but in that moment of intense relief where fingernails meet skin, it is exquisite agony – serving to inflame further what needs soothing. I admit I have not yet discovered the route to what would soothe. I also admit I have had, my entire life, this penchant, this obsession with digging, picking at/on my body… some of it I know now resulted from an excess of energy in my space, carrying others’ burdens in an attempt to heal anything, anybody with whom I came in contact. Not knowing to release any of it, I sought relief by picking my fingers, my toes, to bleeding at times. A lot of it was my parents’ stuff – sound familiar? Don’t we all wish for our primary caregivers to be healthy enough to give us what we need? Unconditional love… As I write this, I see the path this creation has taken. I had Moses create an elixir designed especially for opening my heart, clearing blocks from old wounds and creating a lighter physical body. I started guzzling (slight exaggeration) as soon as I received it, not asking just rushing in to make it happen. How many times have that happened? Not communicating with my physical body does not, never has, been a successful strategy! So, I see now the trail of bread crumbs, allowing me the awareness needed to take my next step in realizing the full potential of the elixir. The lesson is to release, to allow my awareness, my consciousness to reign supreme, above the learned behaviors of my body, my psyche... through this, I open myself to more. Much more... is there fear? Yes. Is there trepidation? Yes. Do I trust the Universe has my back? Yes. Can I let go of all that is holding me back from being the synergetic being I know I be? Yes. Will I have moments, days, weeks, months, where I stall, before marshalling my resources, restoring my trust, my knowing? Yes. And the adventure continues...
As always, writing provides me the clarity, the lucidity required to continue my journey of spiritual transformation. Filled with gratitude and love and wonder I thank the Universe for ALL. And as always, in the quest for integration, wholeness and functioning as a synergetic being, I am willing, nay, eager, to embrace all change, regardless of any fleeting discomfort for I know the outcome I desire makes all worth it.
|Posted on January 20, 2017 at 7:15 PM||comments (0)|
I’m feeling incredibly blessed, more so than usual - close to tears, a smile on my face, my heart full. Any reason for this? I don’t know… does it matter? Do I need a reason to feel this good? Do I need to find an explanation? It’s so funny, the way we humans have to figure our way out of everything. Is it possible to just feel spontaneous joy? I say yes. In fact, I choose this as a state of beingness. Breathing in joy, breathing out love. I’ve decided joy and love and gratitude are my default emotions – beginning, middle and end. I proclaim this to the Universe.
A couple conversations with close friends, good news from another (her IVF took and she’s pregnant plus coming to visit!), listening to my relocational astrological reading from 4/2015, helping my sister with strategies for managing stress, knowing I’m going to look at a potential home for our spiritual retreat tomorrow morning and, of course, my daily meditation. That is my day.
How does it get any better than that?
Thank you, Universe, for all you contribute to me. Thank you for having my back. Thank you for knowing better than I what I need to fulfill my purpose on this planet. Thank you for All I have now, and will ever have; I know I will never want for anything I need or require. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, TYTYTYTYTYTY.