The Beginning, Now - The Middle
|Posted on December 14, 2017 at 11:45 PM||comments (1)|
My first posting in over 2 months! i had forgotten how writing soothes, clarifies, expands my awareness and feeds my soul. i can only say, as a preface, what I've written tonight, and how i feel now that it's on paper, reinforces i need to do this. No ifs, ands or buts. A spark, coming from something i've read or witnessed, a random thought floating through my mind, ignites, but until i sit down and begin typing, or even if i decide to record, it remains an ephemeral wisp of energy, nothing more, until I grab onto it. From that moment, life is breathed into it, expressed through my unique perspective (as is everyone's, individually), sometimes motivating me to chance, sometimes inspiring me, always nourishing my soul, leading me to greater consciousness.
Since returning home, i have resumed meditating in an, albeit, rudimentary form; allowing the myriad of thoughts, visuals and bodily sensations to pass gently through my consciousness with no attachment. The end result creating a still mind, a quiet mind allowing me to access my higher self, acknowledge and honor the connection with divine source and the knowing i am one with the All. So necessary for my well-being, going within anchors me, grounds me to the essence of who i truly be. Lying in bed, reading my latest edition of Yoga Journal, i resonated strongly with an article on the 4 aims of life (purusharthas) – dharma, artha, kama, maksha, translated to duty, prosperity, pleasure and liberation and the balance needed to ensure a successful existence here on planet earth. What resonated so strongly (enough to get me out of bed and in front of the computer at 4 a.m.!) was the phrase, “…it (kama/pleasure) is good, and indeed necessary, when it exists to support dharma.” Thinking of seeking pleasure framed in the context of dharma, sustained by one’s ever-burgeoning awareness, and fed by the desire to expand consciousness and nourish the soul, opens my heart, which, really, for me, remains central to my happiness and joy. This after polishing off 2 bags of potato chips (medium size!) in a 12 hour period and then feeling polluted and a slave to my (lesser) appetites! Recognizing that caving in to the immediate gratification provided by the mindless consumption of (as an example) potato chips, and, i might add, having to override that pesky voice in my head, telling me what i already know, DON’T EAT THOSE CHIPS!, does nothing to nourish my soul or, indeed, my body. And, let me say, my body wastes no time letting me know how little those chips contribute to creating a healthy internal environment! And, as a further note, designed as always, to illustrate the all-knowingness of the Universe, for weeks i’ve been putting off reading this issue; I now know why, don’t i? In the end, we all choose every moment of every day what we wish to create, consciously or unconsciously. The idea of generating prosperity and pleasure through the lens of living a life of purpose, of service to self and humanity at large, well, that fills me with the joy that comes from being in the flow, feeling energetically light and expanded, of being aligned with my essence, in balance internally first, then flowing into external manifestation where all areas of life coalesce, building into a synergetic system whereby one part feeds the other feeds the other. Is this not true balance? The thought fills me with an aching, throbbing yearning – i need this.
What are you willing to embrace to create and generate the synergetic life you deserve?
|Posted on October 5, 2017 at 9:50 AM||comments (1)|
Over the past 7 months or so I’ve created this tension with a partner in a business enterprise that spiraled out of the realm of loving energy, indeed, out of the reasonable and rational, into this hostility on both sides. Interesting to see how easy to slide into blaming the other person, feeling justified in one’s behavior choices; rationalizing and justifying my anger and sense of ill usage, while momentarily satisfying, did nothing to change the energy of our ongoing struggle. I should mention a sum of money lies at the crux of this agreement we made, underpinned by a lack of communication in a timely manner. Add in a need for the capital and I’ve created a trigger happy event! After months of a flurry of email exchanges followed by long silence then another volley of vitriolic emails, it was pretty clear we were both firmly entrenched in our positions with seemingly nowhere to move. What did completely turn the situation around? A couple days ago the thought floated through my mind – I call it an awareness, a gentle, peaceful message from my higher self, the Universe, spirit guides, god, whatever you wish to call it – what if you just let the money go? I have learned over the years to honor these messages; I’ve never reaped any but the highest benefit from listening and acting upon the information given. So, I ceased all activity and tuned in for a moment…what if you allowed this person the space to have what is required to move whatever energy needs to move? It felt light, expansive immediately; inhaling a deep breath, my gut relaxed, my diaphragm expanded – all my lower chakras which are the physical based energy centers. Once acknowledged, I let everything I’d been clutching so tightly, release and thought no more about it. No internal dialogue, no musings, no struggle….it was as if the prior 9 months had never happened. And the miraculous outcome? The next day, not a week, not 2 days, but 1 day, I received an email informing me she had every expectation of selling 2 of the 4 units and would paypal me the funds once she closed the deals! My reaction? I laughed. And the Universe laughed with me.
What are you willing to let go of to receive what the Universe wishes to gift you?
How open can you be to receiving abundance in every form?
|Posted on October 2, 2017 at 12:10 AM||comments (0)|
10:30 a.m.: Meditation this morning in my room to ask for help to clear my space of the entities I seemingly invited back in and to do some healing work on my face which is atartting to release energy (manifesting as itching, of course, and roughness). I called in King Solomon (remembering that Phyllis had seen him around me during my post-intervention downtime), Jesus, Mary Magdalene and Joseph to assist and heal. The information I received is interesting – I create this drama of inviting these lower vibrational beings as a way of understanding what most people choose. My strength lies in my awareness and the tools I have accumulated to quickly change the vibration. Asking why I would need to do this I saw “Common Ground” – saw it first as a magazine column with, of course, multi-layered meanings. Oprah? Nice energy. I’ll continue to play with that over the next few weeks as I wrap up this trip and return home.
NOTE: I spoke with Cyd and Mel yesterday, after Cyd’s appointment with the spine center doctor. The spina bifida occulta is a non-issue which is great news. She does, however, have a herniated disk (L-4,L-5). The doctor is referring her to physical therapy for 6 weeks to see if that helps resolve some of the pain. Mel (and I) feel she’d be better off out of Aaron’s home. Mel says she can hardly stand to go into the house, never mind hang around…I’m beginning to feel I have to go back for at least awhile to help her get some forward momentum going. She seems to have given up on creating anything for herself. Hopefully when she begins P.T and starts moving her body that will flow through her entire being.
UPDATE: 9.14.17: Current room was great! High vibration, enough to help my skin a bit. My body decided to be in hyper-reactive mode, registering every god-knows-what so I was twitching, it felt like, the entire time! Running earth energy, balancing chakras, hooking up to supreme being, filling up with my energy and source energy – At the end of 2.5 hours, which truly, when I emerged, felt more like 20 minutes, I felt really relaxed. I went back to my room and collapsed on the bed, just lying there, my body and mind quiet.
This is the last full day – it’s hard to believe 2 weeks have flown by. I’ve chosen to go back into the current room today which means I’ll miss the “good-bye” line – people who are departing get to talk to the entities (whichever one shows up), have them bless whatever a person presents – but I feel I’ll receive more benefit from being in a meditative state for 2-3 hours.
It’s been an amazing experience – I can’t say life-changing at this point; perhaps that will open and shift a bit more over the next couple months. I realize now I had the expectation that one shows up and gets healed; the reality is much more nuanced. So much of any benefit derived stems from – DUH! – how much a person can receive and allow. I see where I shut down the process, I see where I embraced it. Certainly, miracles happen – I’ve seen the results (although not yet first hand). That being said, many other gifts emerged from this trip. The high vibration, my group of magical beings, my awareness expanding to new levels. I am conscious of a deep feeling of disappointment, maybe judgment, like I didn’t do enough, allow enough – I acknowledge this, see the deeper truth of my own self image, my belief of my worthiness and chuckle wryly to myself for I know it will not stop me from growing, from following my path to spiritual transformation for, is it not for that very reason I embarked on this journey? Is this not another opportunity to transmute all into the highest healing vibration of all – Divine Love?
2:00 a.m.: My entire being is buzzing – I believe I have met my teacher! As I got in line for Current room today, I asked the young woman in front of me if this was the current line. In retrospect, a silly question – in the big scheme of things, obviously meant to be! We clicked , although I have to say she recognized it before I did. Our paths crossed briefly before dinner where we promised to meet after dinner to talk. Oh, my God, I know, she knew, it was a significant meeting – I even said, at one point (blurted, more like), “I have to work with you” and her entire face lit up. I have never, in my recollection, met someone with whom I connected on this level. And what’s funny, I knew I was to meet my teacher on this trip and as the days passed and departure loomed imminent, I started asking, Okay, where’s my teacher? Am I going to meet this person? And, now, I did…I am so excited to play with her and learn. She will show me doors and portals I never knew existed! What’s funny, too, is she sees me as special in a way nobody has seen me – at least not that I was able to recognize. I know not when, how we will begin. It will become clear, I am sure of that!
10:30 a.m. Sitting in the gazebo overlooking the beautiful landscape, I am preparing to say good-bye to the Casa. I feel, deeply, my visit here has changed the trajectory of my spiritual path mostly in light of my meeting Lesa yesterday. I admit to feeling a trifle let down prior to that – A lesson to me to hold the faith, steadfast and constant (as possible)! I am grateful. I am brimful of anticipation. I can see my way forward on my journey. Looking at Lesa’s energy and her work and her women’s circles, one word comes to mind – tribe. A term much used, I know, and yet it fits, clicks in like the final piece of the puzzle that I have created thus far. I have no information at this moment beyond the euphoria at having found my teacher. All will be revealed as needed. I trust, I allow…
8:30 a.m.: I am sitting in the Lisboa airport, terminal 2, in an open air (?) café awaiting my flight to Bordeaux, the 2nd leg of my 4 stage journey home. I arrived from Brasilia in the dark of the early morning, sleepless but for a couple catnaps. The flight was full which energetically is never comfortable for me – my poor body assaulted with sensations, twinges, random pain, making peaceful slumber a distant dream! My flight leaves for Bordeaux at 11:40 a.m. From there, a bus to the train station where I have a 2.5 hour layover and then on to Beziers, my car and a half hour drive home.
|Posted on September 26, 2017 at 8:20 AM||comments (0)|
9.10-9.12 Update: I worked Sunday and Monday – skipped breakfast – and felt like I was in my usual work pattern! By Tuesday I was fried- I got up early and went and had 2 crystal bed sessions, working on myself the entire duration continuing once I got back to my hotel room. What a difference in my body! Definitely felt calmer and more integrated. No more work until I get home.
We, my group and I went to buy Phyllis an amethyst pendant she’d liked as an expression of our gratitude and support. Joseph, the seller, owns a home in Abadiania and mines crystals and stones which he then resells to the various jewelry stores in Abadiania – he apparently keeps some which he then commissions the jewelers to create various pieces for him to sell at a greatly discounted price. Very interesting man – lived in NYC for a time, worked at the casa for 40 years. He survived a motorcycle accident where they didn’t think he’d ever walk again- but with the help of the entities, he is completely mobile. His energy is buoyant, he loves to give – another living, breathing person who has clearly benefited from close association with the Casa.
I’ve felt out of touch with the Casa entities since I worked – I am reminded that I channel an accounting being. Does that block my awareness of other energies?
7:20 a.m.: We are back in line today, bright and early, with our next question- I have asked for further help with my left side trauma; false leg shortening, hip and ankle mobility limitations, and drop foot. Hoping for another surgery today but we will see what the entities prescribe. Hoping, too, the high vibration of the Casa will reconnect me with that energy. I do have to be more aware – choose awareness – when I go home, of shifting from work to leisure and back again. To ask whatever energy assists me to leave when that task completes, making it an integral part of my daily routine.
Hoping for another surgery today but we will see what the entities prescribe.
2:00 p.m. – No surgery this week for me. Herbs only. A bit disappointed but trying not to be attached to the “How” of recovery. Interesting to see Denisse react the same way despite readily acknowledging that she had a POV about wanting another surgery. Grateful to her for being willing to be stuck in that energy; it allowed me to shift more easily into acceptance. We are currently waiting to be called in the “Revision” line at the casa – for those who have had surgeries/interventions last week. Apparently the entities scan each person as they approach to see if anything further is required. Phyllis says she’s only ever had them find 2 who needed revision in the 14 years she’s come to the casa.
Update: My skin is much worse due to me deciding to shave my left leg; it created multiple scrapings, small abrasions. My lower right side leg is now a solid inflamed mass of red skin! Not surprising but why, oh why, am I creating this? And picking, my unconscious/semi-conscious obsessive compulsive behavior. Initially my massage this past Saturday showed improvement – I made short work of that, didn’t I? Are there homeopathics for OCD? Trying to practice self-compassion and non judgment; truly feels more like resignation verging on pessimism! Please show me the way to healing this, Universe, Casa entities – whoever is listening. Meanwhile, reaching for gratitude, self-compassion, forgiveness and love, help counter the lower vibrations I slip into.
Harkening back to work, I’m hoping the high vibration of the Casa grounds me. I do have to be more aware – choose awareness – when I go home, of what is required when shifting from work to spiritual pursuits. Asking whatever energy assists me, to leave when complete, and making it an integral part of my daily routine.
Note: I fb’d with Cyd last night as today she sees the spinal center doctor. She was understandably nervous, talking mostly about Aaron’s most recent gout attack; distraction for her, I know. Keeps her mind occupied and off her own health challenges. I initially found it very challenging and kept trying to get her to talk about her feelings, becoming somewhat impatient and judgmental. I finally saw her fear which allowed me to shift to what she could handle.
|Posted on September 23, 2017 at 11:45 AM||comments (0)|
This is the big day – it’s 7:30 a.m., I’m sitting in the garden of the casa waiting to be called to the first time line. The wait can be several hours, more typically, a couple- to go before the entities. It’s wonderful having a guide – in practical terms, Phyllis has been a great help with navigating what could be a confusing exercise especially given that each of us is focused on our own internal emotional state. She’s been leading groups since 2004 and has established wonderful enduring relationships with those at the casa as well as the hotel. On an emotional level, she oozes compassion and is always available for support.
15 minutes later: My body is becoming more and more uncomfortable- aching and pressure around my heart chakra; I stretch to relieve the sensation then subside as it provides no relief. I wonder if it’s the entities working on my broken rod. I hope so! I embrace the healing; I can get through the discomfort knowing, on the other side, lies optimal function and health.
1:15 p.m. I am to have a surgery – invisible – at 2 this afternoon. This morning went quickly- we had finished by a little after 11 a.m (arriving at 7:20 a.m.). There was some waiting once we were in line, made more bearable by the entities working on me; I could feel the usual tension in my left side alleviating, my gut relaxing, allowing my left hip to open releasing the tension all the way down my IT band to my foot which, in turn, rooted, providing support and stability for my left side. A preview of what is to come.
NOTE: I did not go into the preparation for the visit to the entities – beginning Tuesday morning Phyllis instructed each of us to write our question, the issue we wished to address, the ailment we desired to heal. Then, Tuesday after dinner she met with each of us one-on-one to refine our goal into the most powerful presentation to ensure the optimal result.
We are back at the Casa – I am hoping for a 2nd surgery or something (whatever the entities deem necessary); Phyllis isn’t sure, of course, what we’ll get but we are here.
The first intervention went well. To update, 24 hours in bed. No reading, writing, watching anything except the trees outside my window framed by blue blue sky. – just rest and sleep which I did a lot of as I hadn’t slept much the night before. Initially I felt a lot of sensations in my left side; in fact, I had a bit of a headache coming out of intervention. This lessened once I got back to my room and the entities continued working on me. By the time I awoke the next morning I was somewhat aware nothing was going on. I doodled around for a couple hours, messing with my skin until finally I asked “Are there any entities in the room?” Yes. “Are there any casa entities in the room?” No. I then instructed the entities to leave and never return and then asked the casa entities to come back. Happily, more healing ensued.
NOTE: the entities I invited to leave have been with me a long time – I couldn’t (was not ready) to release them, detach from them, for years, They did appear just before we got in the 1st time line to go before the entities, causing, for the first time since I’d arrived, doubt and fear. They were also present when I was in front of the entity – I felt intimidated, nervous. Hopefully today I will be present, clear and grounded.
I had an entity directed massage today – the result of yesterday’s appearance before the entities and the response to my question (healing my skin condition and the underlying pathology, picking at my body my entire life). Very powerful. Only 40 minutes long but with the entities working through the hands of the masseuse, me holding the intent of my original purpose in coming and my desired outcome, all combined to create a very potent energy. I am sitting in the Casa garden- after fruitlessly trying to work with my laptop not booting up. I’d venture to say if you haven’t experienced it first hand, it would be pretty hard to believe. Easier, probably to freak out thinking your computer was broken. This, however, is not the first time I’ve had electronics malfunction here and after talking to others who brought their laptops and had similar stories, it’s not difficult to accept that the entities, if they decide you need to do something else, will interfere to redirect you where they want you. Hence, sitting in the garden, writing and (soon) meditating.
Upddate: 9.8.17 – We went through the 2nd time line to appear before the entities – this time for my skin and picking affliction – I think I was hoping for another invisible surgery but, as I mentioned before, I got the order for a massage. A member of our group, who had been hoping for a surgery to correct hearing loss received “Blessings”, which means setting in the blessings room while prayers are chanted. Another example besides my experience of becoming fixated on a particular outcome. We humans cannot always see clearly what we require as we are most often driven by want. Functioning from faith and trust involves some level of surrender I have found. I have been striving to stay open, to yield to the wisdom, the all-knowing entities John of God channels, by meditating, listening to our guide, Phyllis and keeping ego in check – all this with mixed results. I do feel I have shifted from the ego dominant belief that I am the healer to remembering my power comes from allowing source to flow through me – I am merely a vessel, an intermediary, allowing, trusting the higher vibration of love which truly heals all, to flow through and out of me. Watching the energy of John of God and how completely he surrenders to the entities he channels is awe-inspiring.
Note: There are several businesses on the main street that have been sanctioned by order of the entities, to work in conjunction with the Casa. Massage, crystal store, an organic skin care/essential oils store, an organic food café, to mention the ones I know about.
|Posted on September 21, 2017 at 8:10 AM||comments (0)|
i'm not sure how I'll end up posting what I journalled during my stay at the Casa - I feel like I will follow, as I do so often, the energy of what needs to be shared or what I need to share... the italisized type is me adding more information/explanations where I feel it necessary to clarify or expound on a topic.
2:50 a.m., Holiday Inn Express, Lisbon. As I cannot sleep I thought I’d take advantage of that and record what sticks out in my mind on this first day of travel to John of God. Driving to Beziers this morning to catch my train to Bordeaux I started to get tense thinking of all I had to do when suddenly I asked myself, what do I desire to create from this trip to Brazil? And out popped this, as fluent as if I had spent days, weeks contemplating this very question, I desire to create spiritual transformation and meet my teacher. I realized I had not verbalized my intent but rather in the effort to remain open and free of conclusions and judgments I had neglected to set the intent. Once I verbalized and set the energy for this whole trip, I have been aware of a shift in my energy - mostly noticeable in the tenor of my thoughts and the ease with which I’m able to choose different thoughts. As an example, when fear-based thoughts or pictures present, I reject them and ask for an alternative. I don’t feel energetically aligned with what’s been presented, so let’s try this and I visualize what I’d much rather have happen causing, of course, the energy to expand. I’m finding it much easier to create what leads me into ease and effortlessness. Isn’t it amazing how choosing what you think rather than being buffeted about by random thoughts can create amazing expansion!
Well, here I am at John of God, the Casa – or to be more accurate, I am at the Hotel Sao Rafael, about 300 feet from the entrance to the Casa. We, my fellow group members, were taxi’d here (a speed fest, really, as our taxi driver had obviously driven the road more than once!) yesterday, just in time for dinner, a delicious home cooked meal set out buffet style. Apparently, we’ll be getting 3 meals a day for the group price – I like that! This entire town is built around the Casa, and accommodating the visitors who flood in from every corner of the globe. This is in stark contrast to the ghost towns we passed on the way here… obvious poverty. I was exhausted and in my room by 8:00, and out for the count by 9:00. Sleeping through until 6 a.m., sleeping again until 7:30. I think, if nothing else, I’ll catch up on years of not sleeping soundly and deeply which excites me to no end! After visiting the casa twice, once last night and again this morning, peace and calm and love are a palpable vibration. People sort of float around the grounds- it’s awesome. I feel very at home, very supported. I know I am where I am supposed to be right now. I’ll close now as I need to rest.
The following was written longhand mostly in the garden of the Casa or while waiting to queue up on the days John of God was channeling.
I can feel the lyricism, the mysticism welling up inside me, building in intensity, threatening to spill out of every pore, every orifice in my body. I am so thankful to be here, in Brazil, at the Casa dom Inacio Loyola. I am. I am connected to all that is, I am all that is, I am. I am. I.
I feel my body will heal. I feel my spirit heal, I feel my soul evolving, progressing – if that is measured by internal adjustments, shifts in consciousness, unconditional love for self. I strive for unconditional love for self. Running compassion, forgiveness, gratitiude and love through my body during the day, I know, produces calm and peace. The crystal bed session I had today did more than that – I feel open and expansive, soaring even. And I love that metaphor just as I love the sensation of being infinite. Is it because of what is implicit in being infinite? No limits, open, being in acknowledgement of oneness?
|Posted on August 31, 2017 at 9:45 AM||comments (0)|
I have admitted I have some fear about this trip to John of God. The act of owning that fear has opened me up to the truth lurking beneath the fear; a crisis in surrender, trust, faith and hope, to mention a few. And of course, the very act of feeling the lack of these sets up a contractive energy coupled with the innate resistance engendered by fear – all in all, a perfect scenario for growth. I will admit as the emotion of fear, with all its attendant hangers-on, emerged as the dominant sensation registered first in my body, followed closely by the degradation of the thoughts floating through my conscious mind, I tried to ignore what was happening. As it became more and more obvious that ignoring served only to intensify the hold on me, my answer was to go into resistance on a physical level which manifests for me as a headache spreading down into my neck and shoulders. A very old pattern which thankfully, I recognize now. At this point, I begin pulling out my tools; Ho’oponopono, Access body processes, deep breathing… after, of course, taking aspirin! In retrospect, I have to laugh - the whole scenario is so predictable and follows the same pattern every time. Progress however, must be noted. Historically, these bouts would last anywhere from 1-3 days taking medication constantly during that time. Now, with my tools and awareness, I can usually shift my vibration in 12-18 hours. I am so grateful, as I’ve mentioned before, for my tools and the awareness I’ve developed over the years.
I start the trek to the Casa tomorrow morning, traveling by train from Beziers to Bordeaux. After a 5 ½ hour layover I fly from Bordeaux to Lisbon, arriving at 11 p.m., where I’ll spend the night in a hotel and depart Saturday morning at 9:30 a.m. for Brasilia, Brazil. I am at peace right now. I have noticed rather recently, this week has gone so slowly- literally time has slowed down, I think to allow me to process the feelings and emotions that have been, through the kind agency of my body, rising to the surface (my skin condition notwithstanding), demanding attention (see 8.30 blog post), resolution and integration. I am happy to say I have succeeded, my body is quiet, although I do sense alertness, anticipation. I hope to raise the vibration to that of contentment, optimism in today’s meditation/healing session using Access body processes, balancing/cleansing chakras, transmutation and visualizing gratitude, forgiveness, compassion and love flowing through, permeating to the cellular level. If that doesn’t do it, I don’t know what will! A very potent combination, I would venture to say. I’ll write more as I move forward…
UPDATE: 3:46 p.m. - An awesome meditation/body healing and grounding today. Feeling, on the EGS, positive expectation and happiness! I’ll put up the EGS for those of you who are not familiar with this tool from Abraham Hicks.
|Posted on August 27, 2017 at 3:15 PM||comments (0)|
Moving forward remains, as ever, my primary directive. What does one do when the planets and stars and sun do not seem to be aligned with that purpose? Or what does one do when one’s body decides it’s time to release every bit (or so it feels) of energy no longer vibrationally compatible? With my trip to John of God less than a month away, I find myself rather at an impasse in the sense that my knowing this trip will shift my life into another gear yet I feel at a standstill in this moment.Is that the key? The more I strive to “get ready”, prepare for what I cannot possibly prepare for, the further the target moves from me… would it serve me more to root into present time and be here, in the south of France, now rather than catapulting myself into the future?
I leave for the Casa in 5 days. As I write those words, my 3rd and 4th chakras light up immediately, signaling excitement? Trepidation? Anticipation? All planning has moved into the final stages- all transportation in place, car storage reserved. All that remains to be done- packing personal belongings. It feels like I’ve been waiting for this for a long time – 9 months since the first time the idea floated across my conscious mind, and, as before, continued to intensify and now, here I sit, departure imminent. I’ve become accustomed to hearing people refer to what I’m creating as an adventure – truly, as much as I find interesting others’ points of view and feeling grateful for all the positive energy that generates for me, following the energy propels me forward. My real job rests in daily meditation, honoring my body, monitoring my thoughts, feeding my connection with Source. If anything has signaled me that I’m preparing for this journey, in the last week or so, meditating has given way to sleeping! I have been so tired, I’m crashing in the middle of the afternoon for two to three hours as well as leeping at night! A change for me, indeed! I welcome this shift as I try to welcome whatever changes will move me closer to my purpose in traveling to see John of God. I have no idea what I will encounter, what I’m “supposed” to do once I’m there, what changes will emerge from this visit. I trust the Universe will support me. I trust the energy at the Casa. I surrender to divine intelligence. And most importantly, I know the path I choose to follow leads to my ultimate destination. Is it necessary for me to know what that looks like? No. Truthfully, I don’t want to know. The metaphor of driving on a dark road at night, seeing only 20 to 30 feet ahead of me at any given moment, resonates deeply; I am happy to have the path revealed incrementally as I move forward. That does not mean, in any way, that I have no ultimate destination, life plan. I choose simply, to trust it will be revealed at the perfect moment. Do I have doubts? Sometimes. Do I ever question what I am doing? Yes. Does any of that deter me from continuing to follow the energy? No. You could say I’ve had enough successes, in terms of realizing outcomes, by following the energy, to make allowance for the moments of doubt and questioning. Most importantly, I know my thoughts, beliefs create my reality. I know I could create a totally different outcome just by focusing on some deviant, random thought floating through my mind. But I also know that ultimately doesn’t contribute to what I desire to create for myself or for the planet or its inhabitants. If every one of us held that vibration, how much change could we create for ourselves and the planet?
|Posted on July 19, 2017 at 12:00 AM||comments (0)|
It occurred to me, following a seemingly random thought floating across my consciousness, to wonder how many of us choose to believe that our stories of ourselves are who we are. How much do we allow the stories we’ve adopted whether through direct experience and choice or through being told stories about how and what we are by significant people in our lives? And i ask this in relation to the vibrational variance, if any, between who we know to the deepest reaches of our beings, we truly be and the stories by which we define ourselves and are so quick to bring out when questioned about whatever would prompt the rehearsed response as opposed to the authentic self we tend to overlay with these stories. Do the stories we tell bear any resemblance to our true divine selves? Do the stories we believe to be true and from which we function, creating our realities, separate us from our true essences? Does any of this matter? Only you can discern the truth of that. i know, for me, i’ve told the stories wondering the whole time, why i was telling the story, feeling that separation, as if i was telling a story about someone i once knew, (or thought i knew) and realizing i never did know that person or the version of that person. The awareness of that dissonant energy allowed me to focus in on that feeling and decide I didn’t like that feeling of being separated from me.. i like to think i am a little more aware of what responses i trot out now, moving from rote recitation to deliberate feeling response emanating from my authentic self.
Please share your experiences – i’d love to hear them!
|Posted on June 30, 2017 at 7:40 AM||comments (0)|
I had forgotten I'd written this! Rereading it now I feel the urge to publish it on my blog. I hope you get as much out of it as I do! If anything resonates, feel free to follow that energy where it leads...
Sitting at my desk this morning, allowing the energy of the moment, the muffled sounds of neighbors in the street, children playing, a gentle wind whistling down the narrow street to the river, to wash over me, I experienced a moment of acute awareness, a breakthrough really that had been percolating to the surface for a couple days, months (?). A core belief about my basic value - I remember as a child talking, talking, talking to my mother in the way children do and mostly being shut down - I learned to keep the magic I observed to myself, to repress emotions better left unsaid, to suppress my natural high spirits and mostly, I learned nothing I had to offer had any value to my mother, my primary caregiver. It didn't seem to matter other people, as I grew, valued me and what I could offer... it's funny, isn't it, I only focused on what I didn't get from that one person. I laugh now, realizing how ridiculous that I, even as a young adult, disregarded all the positive input, choosing instead to adhere, stubbornly, to the patently false programming with which I'd been inculcated as a child. And, taking ithis one step further, I own my creation, indeed, I have to feel gratitude to my mother, don't I, if I follow the energy back to the truth that I am the master creator of all in my experience. On a side note, I noticed this morning, scrolling through my facebook page that I bypassed with studied indifference (?) any posting having to do with loving your mother... it all gains in significance now as I fit all the signs together - I love how the Universe supplies exactly what I require all the time!
Another sign I received - I enrolled in a mindvalley.com online course and yesterday there was a link to a youtube video of Michael Beckwith lecturing at a retreat - BOOM! right square in the middle of my forehead, the piece I'd been missing! He was talking about the 4 stages of spiritual development.
At the start of every meditation I ask for whatever assistance, aid, guidance and support will lead me to expressing my soul’s purpose on this planet in this time. Without fail what I require comes. This particular session brought up courage. I could only laugh, ruefully and with a hint of hysteria, looking to the cosmos. I immediately saw the French root, Coeur, which translates to heart in English. So I dug a little, looking for the root of the word and sure enough, through the latin cour, evolved Coeur, the French and the common definition of courage, “That quality of mind which enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear, or fainting of heart; valor; boldness; resolution”, which is all fine and good and much what one expects from the modern interpretation. I, however, not surprisingly, followed the French etymology; after all, we borrowed the word from the French, didn’t we? Digging deeper, I found a French definition, which translated to English, looks like this: “The most important part, the deepest vital part”. That resonated a lot. Next I researched the meaning and etymology of the suffix “age” and found it means “that which is associated with or characterized by” or “Having to do with”. I love this definition- Having to do with the most important, deepest vital part – the heart, the seat of the soul. Reframing courage alleviates, for me, those emotions having to do with fear, doubt, uncertainty, linking, instead, to the larger purpose, expanding into my next evolution, removing the remaining blocks, programs, conscious and unconscious, preventing me from creating the 3-dimensional reality in which I can effect the most change for this planet and its inhabitants. As a side note, I encourage, as a tool, dissecting a term that evokes a feeling, an emotional charge, to distill that word or phrase into an energy more closely aligned with your soul’s unique vibrational signature. Had I accepted the prevalent energetic signature of courage, buying into the inherent limitations of just the words chosen to define that vibration, the ensuing analysis, processing, dissemination of an entire culture built to house the projections, expectations, judgments & conclusions engineered to produce the least movement and most contraction. For who can live up to all of that? Gods, super heros, the occasional human, fueled by adrenalin, in extraordinary circumstances. I don’t know about you but shifting the energy of courage to a function of heart (Coeur) illuminated by love, well, let’s just say, the mere act of writing those words allows expansion into synergetic beingness, a state, in case you need reminding, of total integration, within, without, above, below…